"I don't need to leave. I can stay..."
"mmm."
As we kissed, passionately, the room became almost completely silent. The sound of her perfect heartbeat and our ragged breathing echoed in my head. This really was perfection, just me and Bella, alone.
I was long past the temptation of her blood, but this temptation had been replaced with another. A temptation for her body. This was worse and even more dangerous for her than my thirst, she wanted this as much as I did, and I couldn't deny the one I loved, so desperately, the one thing she demanded before her transformation. Me.
I could only stare at her. As we kissed, I couldn't bring myself to look away from her face. I truly was the luckiest man alive, metaphorically speaking. And then her beautiful chocolate brown eyes popped open. She pulled away a little and she peered into my eyes as if was some kind of ultimate prize. But really, she was my prize, my everything.
Our eyes held each others for a moment; her eyes held so much of her character, they were so deep – it was as if I could see her soul. She appeared to see something in my eyes, but not my soul. I still questioned an existence of such a thing in me.
I craved insight into her wonderful mind. Even for a second, I would give almost anything to hear how it functioned, her reasoning for loving me.
I knew she liked that I couldn't read her mind, and sometimes I did to. I liked that I couldn't anticipate her every move, that she could suprise me, but sometimes it literally drove me crazy that I couldn't see her reasoning for putting herself in danger every second she was with me.
Just then she pulled my face to hers again.
"Defiantly staying," I said seconds later.
She protested. "No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go." She wasn't convincing me at all. She may have said that she wanted me to go but her hands were telling another story. Her right hand locked in my hair and her left was pressed against the small of my back.
I stoked her face as I pulled away a little more.
"Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point."
She pulled me a little closer and breathed "true" against my neck. As I gave her another short kiss she curled up to me a little more. We were curled up on her small bed, intertwined as much as possible with the thick Afghan Bella had to wear so she didn't half freeze in situations like this one.
She seemed to take advantage of her warmth, and had removed my shirt and it lay bundled up on the floor by her desk. She ran her hand up and down my front. She traced the flat planes of my stomach, as she did this, my mouth found her again.
She began to let her tongue against my lips. I sighed, and began to pull away. I didn't want to but it had been a reflex action for so long that it was automatic. I was scared that if I let her take things further that I wouldn't be able to control my want for her. I was afraid I would hurt her. I had spent my entire life rejecting any form of physical relations and it scared me to have to change a habit of a life time. I knew that Bella was aware of my terror but she understood and tried no to push me but she wanted me as much as I wanted her, so, she pushed boundaries every now and then.
"Wait," she said, gripping my shoulders and hugging herself closer to me. She had managed to free a leg from her Afghan and she had it wrapped around my waist. This was what I was worried about. It wasn't easy to stop her when she was in this kind of mood. I mean, physically, I could stop her but she crumbled my will and I didn't want to stop her. But, I had to.
"Practice makes perfect," she muttered as she pulled me back for another kiss. All I could do was chuckle.
"Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?" I continued to chuckle as she continued to pull me closer to her.
"But this is the dress rehearsal," she said, as if I needed reminding. "and we've only practiced certain scenes . It's no time for playing it safe."
I froze. The sudden stress of it all brought a complete motionless aura to my body. This was exactly the time for playing it safe. The time to take every precaution to protect her.
"Bella...," I whispered.
"Don't start this again," she said. "A deals a deal."
"I don't know." And I truly wasn't sure. I loved her and wanted her but I could sacrifice my needs to keep her safe. "It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I – I can't think straight. I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt."
"I'll be fine." She protested.
"Bella..." She won't be fine. I would hurt her, some way, she would end up hurt.
"Shh!" She pressed her lips to mine and I felt some of the panic drift away, but not all of it. I knew she'd heard it before, but I needed to stress the danger she put herself in. I also knew that I couldn't talk her out of this compromise. She was marrying me, and so I would do this for her.
I began to kiss her back but I controlled myself more than before and Bella knew that I wasn't going to go any further tonight. These situations were the only times that I couldn't wait for her transformation. At least she would be safe. I told myself over and over again.
As we stopped kissing I took the opportunity to ask. "How are your feet?"
"Toasty warm" She must have known my question wasn't literal. I knew she would respond the way she did but I had to ask.
"Really? No second thoughts? It's not to late to change your mind."
"Are you trying to ditch me?" she asked in a sarcastic tone. I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."
"I'm sure about you. The rest I can live through."
I hesitated. I knew she would live through the wedding, and, I knew on some level that she wanted it as much as I did. But, ever since Charlie had jumped to conclusions over our engagement, I had been thinking about everything Bella was giving up for me.
"Can you?" I had to ask, and I did so quietly. I felt a need to explain my question. "I don't mean the wedding, which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms – but afterwards... what about Renee, what about Charlie?"
She sighed, and I knew that she'd had this discussion with me before but again, I needed to stress the importance of her decision.
"I'll miss them." I think she was afraid to admit that they would miss her dearly.
"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike." It wasn't a question as such but she answered.
"I'll miss my friends, too." And then a smirk spread across her face. "Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?"
Even though I knew she was joking I felt a small growl escape from my chest. She laughed as I growled but she quickly turned serious.
"Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime simply isn't enough for me." I should have been flattered, the one I loved, and would continue to love for my entire existence loved me back, just as much. But, still, I could only think about Charlie's reaction.
"Frozen forever at eighteen," My voice had become a whisper as I still contemplated how to say what I needed before she signed her life, and possibly, her soul away from me.
"Every woman's dream come true," She has an answer for everything, but I had a reply as well.
"Never changing..." I paused and thought about how to put this subtly. "...never moving forward."
"What does that mean?"
I felt the need to take it slowly. Not for Bella's sake but for my own. Something about saying it out loud made me nervous.
"Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were...pregnant?" I felt a strange sense of relief as I finally got it off my chest. The thought had lingered around in my head for while.
"And he thought about shooting you," She laughed, but all I could do was try and plan what to say next, how to explain what I really meant. She continued. "Admit it – for one second, he honestly considered it." I didn't answer. I couldn't. I was still trying to find the right words, the right way to say what I needed to. She must have been worried about me not answering as she prompted me to continue.
"What Edward?" I had to just come out with it, no more hints. Just say it. Just say it. I said to myself over and over again.
"I just wish... well, I wish that he'd been right."
"Gah," she gasped. I could understand why, so, I felt the need to explain, quickly.
"More that there was some way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential. I hate taking that away from you, too."
She didn't say anything, and again I understood her reaction so I just layed there why she processed what I was saying. She was only eighteen after all and I was talking about kids but I had to say it.
A minute later she answered. "I know what I'm doing." I began to get a little agitated by how understanding she was and how willing she was about giving everything up for me.
"How could you know, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you imagine."
"Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did – we'll adopt."
I really was beginning to get annoyed, not at Bella, as such. But I was getting annoyed by her reactions to what I was taking from her.
"It's not right! I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take them away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human -"
She pushed her fingers over my lips. Her touch had a calming effect on me but I could still continue is she removed her hand from my face.
"You are my future. Now stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you need a bachelor party."
Then suddenly it hit me. "I'm sorry. I am moping aren't I? Must be nerves."
"Are your feet cold?"
"Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one thing I can't wait -" And then I heard the thoughts of two new people in the town of Forks. Jasper and Emmett were not going to be as easily swayed as Bella was.
"Oh for the love of all that's holy!"
"What's wrong?" Bella asked in a concerned voice.
I had to grit my teeth. "You don't have to call my brothers. Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight."
She gave me a quick hug and released me from the hold she had me in on her bed.
"Have fun," As she spoke, there was a horrible squeal at the window of the room. She shuddered as the noise came to an end.
"If you don't send Edward out, we're coming in after him!" Emmett's voice would have probably sounded menacing to most people but it was a tone Emmett considered his own form of sarcasm.
"Go" Bella laughed. "before they break my house." I got up, reluctantly and rolled my eyes as I did. I flew across her room and put my shirt back on . I ran back to Bella, who was still on the bed, and kissed her forehead. I think if I kissed her lips I would have battled both Emmett and Jasper so I could stay.
"Get to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."
"Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down."
"I'll meet you at the altar"
"I'll be the one in white." she replied sounding perfectly blasé. She smiled at me and that was almost enough to make me stay but I knew Emmett would do anything to make me go.
"Very convincing" I said with a chuckle and then I sunk into a crouch and jumped out her window.
As I was finally outside Emmett cursed at me for taking so long and then I heard Bella murmur. "You'd better not make him late."
Jasper jumped up to the window before I could jump up to reassure her nothing would make me late.
"Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time." I felt a wave of calm swarm over me, so Jasper must have felt some unease in Bella's emotions. I listened intently to see if she was going to say anything else. It kind of made me feel good that she would miss me as much as I already missed her.
"Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?" I fought back a laugh before Emmett replied.
"Don't tell her anything!" As he finished what he was saying, I tackled him to the floor and laughed quietly as he struggled up. As I did this Jasper had already began to comfort Bella.
"Relax," he said. "We Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out." It made me happy that Jasper could get along with Bella, especially after her last birthday. I winced at the, all to clear, memory of September thirteenth.
"Thanks, Jasper." As she thanked him, he jumped from the side of her house and turned towards me and Emmett, who was still a little pissed at me for tackling him a minute ago. He began to run into the forest, and Emmett followed quickly but I was still a little torn between leaving and staying. As I deliberated weather or not to follow my brother, Emmett, returned silently, and he practically dragged me to where Jasper was waiting for us.
About a mile into the forest Emmett let go and I continued to follow of my on free will. My brothers weren't letting me get out of tonight, for definite.
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