"I don't need to leave. I can stay..."
"mmm."
As we kissed, passionately, the room became almost completely silent. The sound of her perfect heartbeat and our ragged breathing echoed in my head. This really was perfection, just me and Bella, alone.
I was long past the temptation of her blood, but this temptation had been replaced with another. A temptation for her body. This was worse and even more dangerous for her than my thirst, she wanted this as much as I did, and I couldn't deny the one I loved, so desperately, the one thing she demanded before her transformation. Me.
I could only stare at her. As we kissed, I couldn't bring myself to look away from her face. I truly was the luckiest man alive, metaphorically speaking. And then her beautiful chocolate brown eyes popped open. She pulled away a little and she peered into my eyes as if was some kind of ultimate prize. But really, she was my prize, my everything.
Our eyes held each others for a moment; her eyes held so much of her character, they were so deep – it was as if I could see her soul. She appeared to see something in my eyes, but not my soul. I still questioned an existence of such a thing in me.
I craved insight into her wonderful mind. Even for a second, I would give almost anything to hear how it functioned, her reasoning for loving me.
I knew she liked that I couldn't read her mind, and sometimes I did to. I liked that I couldn't anticipate her every move, that she could suprise me, but sometimes it literally drove me crazy that I couldn't see her reasoning for putting herself in danger every second she was with me.
Just then she pulled my face to hers again.
"Defiantly staying," I said seconds later.
She protested. "No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go." She wasn't convincing me at all. She may have said that she wanted me to go but her hands were telling another story. Her right hand locked in my hair and her left was pressed against the small of my back.
I stoked her face as I pulled away a little more.
"Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point."
She pulled me a little closer and breathed "true" against my neck. As I gave her another short kiss she curled up to me a little more. We were curled up on her small bed, intertwined as much as possible with the thick Afghan Bella had to wear so she didn't half freeze in situations like this one.
She seemed to take advantage of her warmth, and had removed my shirt and it lay bundled up on the floor by her desk. She ran her hand up and down my front. She traced the flat planes of my stomach, as she did this, my mouth found her again.
She began to let her tongue against my lips. I sighed, and began to pull away. I didn't want to but it had been a reflex action for so long that it was automatic. I was scared that if I let her take things further that I wouldn't be able to control my want for her. I was afraid I would hurt her. I had spent my entire life rejecting any form of physical relations and it scared me to have to change a habit of a life time. I knew that Bella was aware of my terror but she understood and tried no to push me but she wanted me as much as I wanted her, so, she pushed boundaries every now and then.
"Wait," she said, gripping my shoulders and hugging herself closer to me. She had managed to free a leg from her Afghan and she had it wrapped around my waist. This was what I was worried about. It wasn't easy to stop her when she was in this kind of mood. I mean, physically, I could stop her but she crumbled my will and I didn't want to stop her. But, I had to.
"Practice makes perfect," she muttered as she pulled me back for another kiss. All I could do was chuckle.
"Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?" I continued to chuckle as she continued to pull me closer to her.
"But this is the dress rehearsal," she said, as if I needed reminding. "and we've only practiced certain scenes . It's no time for playing it safe."
I froze. The sudden stress of it all brought a complete motionless aura to my body. This was exactly the time for playing it safe. The time to take every precaution to protect her.
"Bella...," I whispered.
"Don't start this again," she said. "A deals a deal."
"I don't know." And I truly wasn't sure. I loved her and wanted her but I could sacrifice my needs to keep her safe. "It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I – I can't think straight. I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt."
"I'll be fine." She protested.
"Bella..." She won't be fine. I would hurt her, some way, she would end up hurt.
"Shh!" She pressed her lips to mine and I felt some of the panic drift away, but not all of it. I knew she'd heard it before, but I needed to stress the danger she put herself in. I also knew that I couldn't talk her out of this compromise. She was marrying me, and so I would do this for her.
I began to kiss her back but I controlled myself more than before and Bella knew that I wasn't going to go any further tonight. These situations were the only times that I couldn't wait for her transformation. At least she would be safe. I told myself over and over again.
As we stopped kissing I took the opportunity to ask. "How are your feet?"
"Toasty warm" She must have known my question wasn't literal. I knew she would respond the way she did but I had to ask.
"Really? No second thoughts? It's not to late to change your mind."
"Are you trying to ditch me?" she asked in a sarcastic tone. I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."
"I'm sure about you. The rest I can live through."
I hesitated. I knew she would live through the wedding, and, I knew on some level that she wanted it as much as I did. But, ever since Charlie had jumped to conclusions over our engagement, I had been thinking about everything Bella was giving up for me.
"Can you?" I had to ask, and I did so quietly. I felt a need to explain my question. "I don't mean the wedding, which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms – but afterwards... what about Renee, what about Charlie?"
She sighed, and I knew that she'd had this discussion with me before but again, I needed to stress the importance of her decision.
"I'll miss them." I think she was afraid to admit that they would miss her dearly.
"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike." It wasn't a question as such but she answered.
"I'll miss my friends, too." And then a smirk spread across her face. "Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?"
Even though I knew she was joking I felt a small growl escape from my chest. She laughed as I growled but she quickly turned serious.
"Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime simply isn't enough for me." I should have been flattered, the one I loved, and would continue to love for my entire existence loved me back, just as much. But, still, I could only think about Charlie's reaction.
"Frozen forever at eighteen," My voice had become a whisper as I still contemplated how to say what I needed before she signed her life, and possibly, her soul away from me.
"Every woman's dream come true," She has an answer for everything, but I had a reply as well.
"Never changing..." I paused and thought about how to put this subtly. "...never moving forward."
"What does that mean?"
I felt the need to take it slowly. Not for Bella's sake but for my own. Something about saying it out loud made me nervous.
"Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were...pregnant?" I felt a strange sense of relief as I finally got it off my chest. The thought had lingered around in my head for while.
"And he thought about shooting you," She laughed, but all I could do was try and plan what to say next, how to explain what I really meant. She continued. "Admit it – for one second, he honestly considered it." I didn't answer. I couldn't. I was still trying to find the right words, the right way to say what I needed to. She must have been worried about me not answering as she prompted me to continue.
"What Edward?" I had to just come out with it, no more hints. Just say it. Just say it. I said to myself over and over again.
"I just wish... well, I wish that he'd been right."
"Gah," she gasped. I could understand why, so, I felt the need to explain, quickly.
"More that there was some way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential. I hate taking that away from you, too."
She didn't say anything, and again I understood her reaction so I just layed there why she processed what I was saying. She was only eighteen after all and I was talking about kids but I had to say it.
A minute later she answered. "I know what I'm doing." I began to get a little agitated by how understanding she was and how willing she was about giving everything up for me.
"How could you know, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you imagine."
"Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did – we'll adopt."
I really was beginning to get annoyed, not at Bella, as such. But I was getting annoyed by her reactions to what I was taking from her.
"It's not right! I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take them away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human -"
She pushed her fingers over my lips. Her touch had a calming effect on me but I could still continue is she removed her hand from my face.
"You are my future. Now stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you need a bachelor party."
Then suddenly it hit me. "I'm sorry. I am moping aren't I? Must be nerves."
"Are your feet cold?"
"Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one thing I can't wait -" And then I heard the thoughts of two new people in the town of Forks. Jasper and Emmett were not going to be as easily swayed as Bella was.
"Oh for the love of all that's holy!"
"What's wrong?" Bella asked in a concerned voice.
I had to grit my teeth. "You don't have to call my brothers. Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight."
She gave me a quick hug and released me from the hold she had me in on her bed.
"Have fun," As she spoke, there was a horrible squeal at the window of the room. She shuddered as the noise came to an end.
"If you don't send Edward out, we're coming in after him!" Emmett's voice would have probably sounded menacing to most people but it was a tone Emmett considered his own form of sarcasm.
"Go" Bella laughed. "before they break my house." I got up, reluctantly and rolled my eyes as I did. I flew across her room and put my shirt back on . I ran back to Bella, who was still on the bed, and kissed her forehead. I think if I kissed her lips I would have battled both Emmett and Jasper so I could stay.
"Get to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."
"Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down."
"I'll meet you at the altar"
"I'll be the one in white." she replied sounding perfectly blasé. She smiled at me and that was almost enough to make me stay but I knew Emmett would do anything to make me go.
"Very convincing" I said with a chuckle and then I sunk into a crouch and jumped out her window.
As I was finally outside Emmett cursed at me for taking so long and then I heard Bella murmur. "You'd better not make him late."
Jasper jumped up to the window before I could jump up to reassure her nothing would make me late.
"Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time." I felt a wave of calm swarm over me, so Jasper must have felt some unease in Bella's emotions. I listened intently to see if she was going to say anything else. It kind of made me feel good that she would miss me as much as I already missed her.
"Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?" I fought back a laugh before Emmett replied.
"Don't tell her anything!" As he finished what he was saying, I tackled him to the floor and laughed quietly as he struggled up. As I did this Jasper had already began to comfort Bella.
"Relax," he said. "We Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out." It made me happy that Jasper could get along with Bella, especially after her last birthday. I winced at the, all to clear, memory of September thirteenth.
"Thanks, Jasper." As she thanked him, he jumped from the side of her house and turned towards me and Emmett, who was still a little pissed at me for tackling him a minute ago. He began to run into the forest, and Emmett followed quickly but I was still a little torn between leaving and staying. As I deliberated weather or not to follow my brother, Emmett, returned silently, and he practically dragged me to where Jasper was waiting for us.
About a mile into the forest Emmett let go and I continued to follow of my on free will. My brothers weren't letting me get out of tonight, for definite.
So this is just a little something I thought of when I was reading new moon. It's quite old, and I've just found it and decided to post it.
I hope you like it, it starts when Jacob is outside Bella's with the Rabbit, leading onto the three way date. I may continue it a little more, but I think it will remain a one shot.
Bella arrived home on time, as predicted. She didn't do anything out of the ordinary. She kept to a plan, a daily routine, ever since he left.
Nothing can describe what I feel when I see her. When she saw me her face lit up, then she the saw the Rabbit and she smiled a perfect smile. How could the idiotic fool have left such perfection? He must be a bigger moron than I originally thought. My heart sped up as I realised it was me who made her smile. It was so rare, she seemed to do it only around me. That made me proud, and that may be big headed by I couldn't bring myself to care. I was proud, and a little smug, that I was the only one who could make her happy. I have to thank Cullen for one thing, he led Bella to me. Broken, and in need of fixing, but he brought her to me and I'm willing to put everything into making her what she once was.
"No way!" she shouted, jumping out of her truck. "You're done! I can't believe it! You finished the Rabbit!"
"Just last night. This is the maiden voyage."
"Incredible." She said, as she looked over the car. She held her hand up, as if to give me a high five. I slapped my hand to hers but left it there, intertwining my fingers with hers. Maybe, if I was persistent, it would pay off. Maybe she could end up with me. I mean, best friends often end up together. Maybe we would. At least, I could hope we would.
"So do I get to drive tonight?" I said, smiling. I took a quick glance at our hands and I felt like it just worked. My hand fitted around hers perfectly, and it just felt right. Why couldn't she see that? How could she not feel that? That spark couldn't just be on my half, surly. It was too strong to be just me. It had to be.
"Defiantly," she replied. Then she sighed. That can't be good, can it?
"I'm giving up – I can't top this one. So you win. You're the oldest." She grinned. I simply shrugged, and internally chuckled.
"Of course I am." I said smugly. I was feeling good tonight, confident. I hadn't felt like this ever. It was nice. Strange, but nice.
Seconds later a suburban van drove around the corner. It must have been one of her school friends, because she quickly pulled her hand out of mine. I made a face, almost a grimace, and I hope she didn't see it, but I'm sure she caught a glimpse.
The van pulled up opposite Bella's house and a blond boy got out. I remembered him, or I remembered Bella mentioning him, at least. A complete idiot, if I remember correctly. One of those popular guys who think everyone is in to him, but isn't. To cocky for his own good.
"I remember this guy," I muttered. He was Mike, and I think Bella had mentioned that he thought they were meant to be together or something like that. Obviously not true. I'm not going to get all delusional a say that I think we are meant to be together but we have more of a chance at being together. We love each other. Maybe not in the same way, but love can develop. Maybe hers will. Maybe she'll learn to love me. "The one who thought you were his girlfriend. Is he still confused?" I finished.
She raised an eyebrow and looked in my direction. Crap! She's going to say something, or make a dig at me. Think about the things you say, before you say them out loud Black! Get your crap together. "Some people are hard to discourage." I couldn't help but catch the hint in her voice. There's that dig, I knew it was coming, but it stung a little.
"Then again, sometimes persistence pays off." There's the confidence again.
"Most of the time it's just annoying, though." That stung to. She was trying to drop a hint, and I was receiving it loud and clear. I'm just going to ignore it. I can't leave her alone, I can't be without her.
Mike was now crossing the road. "Hey Bella," he said and then his eyes turned to me. I had had a recent growth spurt and this guy barely reached my shoulder. It was almost laughable, considering I was a sophomore and he's a senior. I held back my chuckle and returned his look.
"Hey, Mike. Do you remember Jacob Black?" Bella said, as she motioned to me. Mike looked at me, as if he was sizing me up. What the hell?
"Not really." Mike held his hand out in my direction, nodding curtly.
"Old family friend." I introduced myself, taking his hand. I must have grabbed it a little too hard, because as our hands parted, he flexed his fingers. Oh well! I thought. I then heard Bella's home phone ringing.
"I'd better get that – it might be Charlie," Bella dashed inside quickly. She must be eager to get away. What would she say? Testosterone fest, or something similar.
Mike and I exchanged no more words, he just stared at me, almost eyeing me up. Yeah right! Like he could take me! I could breath on him and he would go flying! He was no kind of competition. As soon as I looked him in the eye, he looked away, turning his entire body away from me.
Bella walked out of the house with a glum expression on her face. I hope nothing's wrong, I thought. She made her way over to me and this Mike chump. He turned as soon as she made it to us. His expression was classic. It looked like it belonged on a ten year old, who just got told he couldn't have any sweets. All he needed to do now was stick out his bottom lip in a sulky pout and it would be complete. It was hilarious. I suppressed a laugh but a smile made its way to my lips. I looked away, towards Bella, hoping for an explanation for her look .
"Ang is sick," Bella said sadly. "She and Ben aren't coming."
"I guess the flu is making another round. Austin and Conner were out today, too. Maybe we should do this another time."
"I'm still up for it." This is my chance to get rid of him. Then, maybe, I could get to go on a 'date' with Bella. "But if you'd rather stay behind Mike-"
"No, I'm coming." Mike interrupted. Damn! "I was just thinking of Angela and Ben. Let's go." He began to walk towards his van; I shot a glance at Bella just as she began to speak.
"Hey, do you mind if Jacob drives? I told him he could – he just finished his car. He built if from scratch, all by himself," I was all ready to brag about my achievements but Bella just did that for me. She seemed really proud of me. I liked it. She was happy, and I loved that.
"Fine," Mike snapped, obviously feeling a little insignificant, seeing as he didn't build a Volkswagen Rabbit from scratch. Yeah, I went there!
"All right then," I said walking over to the drivers side. Mike climbed in, followed by Bella. I started driving and chatted away to Bella as we drove, ignoring Mike in the backseat. The sulky ten year old expression was still plastered all over his face. It still made me want to laugh. I suppressed the urge again.
"I got the valve springs last night, attached –"
"Doesn't the radio work in this thing?" I was interrupted mid sentence by Mike, who was now leaning his chin on Bella's seat. Idiotic, rude plank.
"Yes," I answered. "But, Bella doesn't like music." I knew she had never really said that she didn't like it, but I just got that kind of impression from her. Bella looked at me, shocked. She must have wondered how I knew. I just picked these things up. I couldn't help it. I pay a lot of attention to her, I watch her . Every time I do I feel my heart swell. She would trip gracefully, if that was possible. She would hand me something with a tight smile which meant she had no idea what she was handing to me. The slight movement of her hand to her side would mean that Cullen had began to invaded her thoughts. I could tell you what every action means, and I could do that in a matter of seconds. It may seem a little stalkerish but I loved to watch her. I loved to learn new things about her. Man, I sound like a chick! I have to snap out of this crap!
"Bella?" Mike asked, annoyed. Why was that idiot annoyed? She could help what she liked and disliked. Just like he couldn't help being a total prat!
"He's right," Bella answered, still looking at me with a shocked expression. It made her look cute. Cute? What the hell? I have serious issues. I really need to check to see if I still have my family jewels.
"How can you not like music?" Mike asked. Has he ever heard of not prying? What a plank!
"I don't know. It just irritates me." She shrugged.
"Hmph." That seemed to irritate him, and he leaned away. The rest of the journey as silent, and awkward. Luckily, we were only 5 minutes from the movies.
We reached the theatre and I handed Bella a ten dollar bill, after checking the rating. Relative ages, my ass!
"What's this?" she asked.
"I'm not old enough to get into this one,"
"So much for relative ages. Is Billy going to kill me if I sneak you in?"
"No, I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthful innocence." I joked and she giggled. Mike caught up with us, unfortunately. Bella managed to sneak me in. Not that my age would be called into question. I looked older than Bella and Mike. But Bella got the tickets just in case I needed ID, which I didn't have. I thanked her as we entered the theatre.
I didn't have high expectations of the movie, just blood and guts. It wasn't really what I thought Bella would be into but she wasn't really up for RomComs these days, ever since him. He seems to have ruined just about every aspect of her life. Now, she falls apart at the slightest reminder. She wrapped her arms around herself, pulling herself together. It's sad. I wish I could help. But, I guessed it would take time. So, I'll give her it.
It was only ten minutes into the movie and already 10 people had died. It was actually quite comical. It was ridiculous. Totally fake! I let out a low snigger.
"What?" Bella whispered.
"Oh, c'mon!" I whispered back. "The blood squirted twenty feet out of that guy. How fake can you get?" I laughed again, just as a flag pole went through some guy's stomach.
Now, every time someone died or got completely mutilated me and Bella laughed together. It just got worse and worse. It was absolutely hilarious.
I didn't realise anything was wrong until I saw Bella's head turn in Mike's direction.
"Mike, are you okay?" Leave it to him to ruin it! I was just beginning to have fun and forget he was here.
"No," He groaned. "I think I'm sick," He made another strange groaning noise, as he bolted for the door. Bella got up to follow him, and I got up to follow her.
"No, stay," she whispered "Get your eight bucks worth of carnage."
"That's okay. You sure can pick them, Bella. This movie sucks." I laughed.
Mike was no where to be seen, so I quickly went into the men's room to see if he was in there. He was, puking his guts up. What a chump! I thought. I walked back out to Bella with a small smirk on my face. She couldn't think this guy was in any way better then me, right?
"Oh, he's in there all right," I said, rolling my eyes. "What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit." For example, ME!
"I'll keep my eyes open for someone like that." She said, with a subtle eye roll. I went to sit on the bench that was up against the far wall of the lobby, and patted the seat next to me, signalling for Bella to come sit with me. She didn't move from her original spot.
"He sounded like he was going to be in there for a while," I said, stretching out my legs. She came and sat down, with a sigh. As soon as she sat down, I put my arm around her shoulders. I was feeling confident, and who knows when I'll get a chance to feel like this again.
"Jake," she muttered, leaning away. I was expecting the rejection, so it didn't bother me as much as it would have been before. I took her hand but she tried to pull away, but I didn't let her. I couldn't.
"Now, just hold on a minute, Bella. Tell me something.".
"What?" She grimaced.
"You like me, right?"
"You know I do."
"Better than that joker puking his guts out in there?" I nodded towards the bathroom.
"Yes," she sighed.
"Better than any of the other guys you know?" I was calm, and I knew the answer, but I just had to ask.
"Better than the girls, too," She was being honest with me, and I loved that. Does any one see a pattern with this love stuff? It's going to kill me, because I have a feeling that she isn't going to change. She can't change, even if she wanted to. I think she wants to. I think she knows that I'm the one she's meant to be with. Without his existence, we would be soul mates. I knew it, I just had to convince her of that fact.
"But that's all," I said.
"Yes," She nodded shyly.
"That's okay, you know. As long as you like me best. And you think I'm good looking – sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent."
"I'm not going to change," she insisted, but with a hint of sadness in her voice. She wanted to change, I know she did. She just couldn't. Her heart would allow her to. All because him. He's destroyed her chance at love. I hate him. With as much passion as I could manage I hated him. How dare he think that he had the right to destroy her like this? Who gave him that kind of power? That answer was easy. It was her. She let herself fall in love with him. She gave herself to him, and he destroyed her. He broke her heart, in turn destroying her life. She has to hold herself together, literally because of him. She screams at night because of him. She gave him everything and he left without a second thought for her.
Hate is a strong word, and I use it very little, but I can honestly and 100% say that I hate Edward Cullen.
